


You're also free enough to hide from me

by morisco



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, Light Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, kind of, there's some swearing in this but thats it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morisco/pseuds/morisco
Summary: Max looked down to where Charles's gaze was fixated."When did you get a Daniel inspired thigh tattoo?""What are you on about?""On your thigh? The little paint splatter? Red margins fading into a mix of green and brown? Ring a bell?" Charles asked like it was the silliest question."No fucking way," Charles's eyes flew up to meet Max, who looked positively terrified."What is?""That's my birthmark you're seeing colour in, you dimwit."Charles felt a sharp blocking of his ears, followed by his vision dotting in black, the edges of darkness quickly moving inwards and taking over, his body falling forward.
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 210





	You're also free enough to hide from me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mandzilkos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandzilkos/gifts).



> Based on the prompt from faeymouse.tumblr.com's Concept
> 
> "Soulmates that are so utterly furious at the circumstances of fate that forced them together that they set out on a quest to break whatever makes them soulmates, but then at the end after it’s broken, they look at one another and each one thinks, “Oh goddammit, I’m in love with them” and then a ha! Surprise strangers to enemies to friends to lovers slowburn as they figure out what that love actually means."
> 
> -
> 
> Thank you Herbo for getting me through this, and helping me all the way. From when I was thinking about writing, to editing the first half and helping clear up what I meant, reading it even when you were tired and what not. If any part of this seems coherent at any given time, it's because of her.

Charles turned the ring in his finger, the cold metal feeling heavier than it should. He inhaled deeply before shaking the nerves off, placing it back in its box and putting it in the pocket of his sports jacket, turning to welcome his girlfriend.

*

Max pulled up his trousers, the early morning light filtering through the blinds seeming to tattoo itself on his retina and making him blink hard.

"You seem to be forgetting breakfast. And some briefs by the looks of it."

Max looked back at the man in bed stretching languidly.

"I'm gonna be late for a meeting, but thanks for everything..."

"Markus." he supplied helpfully.

"Markus. Your blowjob was a solid 9," Max heard a chuckle from the room as he hurried out of the house.

Back in his own apartment, Max stood under the spray of the shower and looked down at the birthmark (or soulmark) on his thigh, still his own skin but darker on his pale thigh.

It looked like god had picked up a brush and made a little Rorschach blot on his body, just like the hundreds he'd seen on other people, boys he had slept with, girls he had experimented with when he was still in denial over his sexuality. His parents and his sister had them too.

Although his dad had never seen one in colour. And none of them had ever looked colourful to Max either. But that didn't bother him. Soulmates weren't really his thing.

Soulmates weren't really his thing, but secretly he still searched for a stroke of colour in every soulmark he saw. In school, in the paddock, at the party, in bed with his partner for the night, he still searched. 

Somewhere across Monaco, in a similar apartment sat on a breakfast barstool, Charles traced the outline of his birthmark, wondering if it would bother him if he ever met his soulmate. Elise was the love of his life, and nothing would change. He won't allow it.

*

Charles couldn't believe it.

"How is that motherfucker getting away with this? He pushed me off!" he spoke in rapid Italian, as he entered the Ferrari hospitality, in the section away from guests and visitors and ever lurking cameras. Amongst his own tribe, the men and women in red looked equally furious, some sheepish having witnessed his first win snatched away yet again.

"The incompetence of this sport astounds me. He keeps getting away with this. How many lives will he risk to stay relevant?" Charles ranted. He could've ripped Max's face off in that cool down room.

Elise came to stand beside him, letting her fingers softly go through the hair at his nape "That was really unfair on you, baby. You should've won."

He let out a sigh when he saw his mother on the other side of the room, watching him, almost pensive.

She didn't agree.

Charles felt the fire in him double as he turned back to leave,

"I'm going to my mobile home. I need some time alone." 

He'd never been one for confrontation but once he was in the clear, and his trainer didn't think he was going to do anything stupid, they let him go his own way. Of course he was going to do something stupid.

Charles walked past his trailer to where he knew the Red Bull trailers were located. He'd been to Pierre's trailer, he knew. And he'd show that _oranje_ bastard. Charles didn't know how, but he would.

Still in his race suit and fireproofs, residual sweat making his hair stick up at all odd angles, Charles rapped his knuckles against the navy metal door. Everything about the colour and the logo made him angrier. Pierre was new, and Daniel had been a Red Bull driver for a while, but Max? Max was the entire brand. He was Redbull. Helmut's crown jewel.

"Jesus Jake, didn't I tell you- oh, Charles." Max gathered the towel around his waist to tighten it, "Listen man, it's-"

"It's what? Hard racing? Is that what you're about to say? Or 'oh Charles, this isn't personal' or 'oh Charles, it's not a big deal, your win will come.' But when!?"

"Relax, jeez. I only gave you as much as you'd give me."

"As much as I'd-" Charles shook his head. "As if you'd play fair! You never have and you never will. You're just scared someone's finally matching up to you in an equal car and you're scared."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did the Merc team die? Is Seb gone? Or do you not think anything of your friend Pierre in the equal car next to me at all?" Max's face changed from annoyance to a wolfish grin. "Just take the loss and move on. You can try to beat me on my terms next race if you want. You can try."

"Like I'd ever be as disingenuous as you! " Charles huffed.

"Look I'm gonna shut the door now and I'm warning you just so you won't complain about me being rude for the next year. Why are you staring like that? Proper weirdo.” Max looked down to where Charles's gaze was fixated.

"When did you get a Daniel inspired thigh tattoo?"

"What are you on about?"

"On your thigh? The little paint splatter? Red margins fading into a mix of green and brown? Ring a bell?" Charles asked like it was the silliest question.

"No fucking way," Charles's eyes flew up to meet Max, who looked positively terrified.

"What is?"

"That's my birthmark you're seeing colour in, you dimwit."

Charles felt a sharp blocking of his ears, followed by his vision dotting in black, the edges of darkness quickly moving inwards and taking over, his body falling forward.

*

It took all his reflex training and core training for Max to barely hold up Charles's head and save it from hitting the step into his trailer, giving them a split jaw situation.

"Always knew this shit was trouble. Only proves my point," he muttered, once he had Charles securely over his shoulder and carried him into the trailer. He laid Charles down on to the bench and waited for the Ferrari driver to wake up, placing some water down by his side.

When Max came back, this time with a shirt on and some shorts, Charles was sitting up. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips, giving his head a strong shake, and said something in French or… Italian. Max couldn’t understand.

"English please."

"This has to be a joke. Stand in front of me and let me see."

Max lifted up his shorts on his left leg. "Well somebody's eager."

Charles looked back at him with venom in his eyes, then down at where the colours were meant to swirl on Max's thigh. Max watched Charles pull out his phone and hold the camera up to the soulmark, probably seeing the brown of Max's mark… _or_ _Charles mark._.. through the screen. Charles dropped the phone as his grip around it weakened, startling him.

"Look, I'm not interested in a soulmate. I think the entire thing is just archaic. I mean, some gods of the old making sure I'm predestined to be with one person? I just don't buy it." Max said casually, leaning back against the cupboard in the narrow hallway, looking at his nails.

"No way in hell can you and I ever be. I'm engaged. Elise is the one for me."

"That's grand, Charles. Really, it is. You're engaged at 22, this is what dreams are made of." Max spoke, his words dripping with sarcasm, "but how do I know you're not just lying to throw me off my game? About seeing colour in my birthmark."

"Do I look like I can faint on command?"

"I don't know what everyone's favourite angel can and can't do, Charles. C'mon boo, lower your pants for me." Max gave him a patronising smile.

"I hope I don't ever have to hear those words leave your mouth again." He said, rolling down his race suit and taking down his fireproofs.

Max stood back nonchalantly as Charles’s pale body came into view until he saw the first bout of colour shine through, his curiosity clear on his face. It was his colours. A rim of navy blue with an orange halo made way for an ocean blue at its center. It swirled and swished like it had a life of its own and he was fascinated. 

"Do you see it?" Charles's voice broke through the temporary wonderment.

"Yeah. It looks amazing, I can't lie."

"And you're okay with your soulmate being.. a guy?" he asked, pulling his clothes back up.

"Literally the entire grid knows I'm gay, Charles. We've been at the same parties our entire life. How did you miss that?"

"I just-" he faltered "never mind. I'm just oblivious like that." 

No way had he missed Max flitting around boys, but maybe Charles just thought he was over enthusiastic with alcohol in his system.

Max hummed because he didn't really believe him, but wasn't about to speak on it any further, "so there's not much we can do about this, pretty boy. It is what it is, neither of us care so let's keep moving with our shit?"

Max felt the boy sitting on his bench watch him flit around the room, grabbing his phone and hat along with his watch, before standing in front of him again, staring at him pointedly, awaiting his response.

"Absolutely not. I can't have this constantly at the back of my head when we have to race each other for years to come."

"Well what do you want to do? I'm not looking for a bond, and you're already married. You're not suggesting we have an affair now, are you, Charlie?"

"Absolutely not! That is not what I meant. And I'm engaged, _not_ married." he emphasised "There's a place on the West coast that gets them removed. Like they can remove the bond completely, I'll have to do more research on it." 

"West coast? The little night club near the entrance to Nice? They do soulmark removal?" Max questioned,

"No, Max, West Coast. The West Coast. American west coast. California, West Coast." 

"Oh. Well, we'll just go when we go for the US Grand Prix then." Max answered calmly.

"No! Elise and I get married in the summer break. We have to sort this out now, no delays." 

Max's eyes widened and a toothy smile threatened to overtake his face but he schooled his expression. He could tell Charles saw through it. Surely the incredulity in Max's face wasn't the first time he'd seen that look in response to his wedding announcement. 

Anyone would, considering he was a twenty something year old rich white boy at the peak of formula one, looking to get tied down with the first girl he’d seen, in essence.

_But they didn't laugh in my face like this bastard_. Charles couldn't stand him. Max knew that at least. He could hear the words even though Charles didn’t say them aloud.

He wondered if this was part of the soulmate thing.

"Summer wedding. The Red prince really is on a timeline, isn't he?"

"We need to work out how we can fly out together, where it is, what the risks are, and the procedure, all of it, and soon. I'll start now." Max watched Charles pull out his phone.

"Not we, _you_. You're the one on a schedule, I don't mind waiting until November. I need to be at a party before we fly out. My trainer will be here any minute, so you should go. Sort out the details and tell my assistant to fit you into the schedule." Max said, ushering Charles to the door

"What do you mean get in touch with your PA? She's not my... my soulmate!" Charles seemingly panicked, "And we're keeping this a secret."

"Yeah, yeah alright. Then text me about it when you're done planning." Max slammed the door in his face.

*

Charles paced across the room in his best friend's flat like he had been doing for the past half hour,

"He was so blasé about it, Pierre! Like, I don't care because I have my Elise, of course, but he just doesn't want a partner at all? And he won’t cooperate."

"And that's bothering you?" Pierre asked.

"No, it's not. I'm grateful at least he's on the same page as me, but it seems so weird, doesn't it? The fact that he doesn't want his soulmate and is never in a relationship? Probably because he's like his dad." He didn't want to admit he'd thought Max would be homophobic as well given his father's opinions, and he schooled his own thoughts once again for straying in that direction, but the words had already been spoken.

"I mean, you don't want your soulmate either. And believe it or not, a lot of people don't want to be in relationships." Pierre shrugged.

_And what would you know of that_ the thought crossed Charles's mind for a second. 

But it was true. Pierre had met Caterina when they were very young, found out they were soulmates and the love in their eyes for each other never changed. They were both some of the most open and honest human beings Charles knew, and he was happy for them every step of their relationship. Charles had longed for a relationship like that. 

Him and Elise had it too, soulmates or not. They loved each other like that too. He'd found it later but they were engaged now just like Pierre and Caterina. 

"Okay so it's somewhere along the Pacific coast in California, and research suggests we'll find it if we can drive through California and ask the locals. That's all the hints on the internet. Even though it's a legal practice in America, they're not fond of over-the-top publicity. Something about wanting to avoid a witch hunt or something." Charles was just thinking out loud now, "Max and I will have to fly to San Francisco and make our way down if we want to do this now and be back for his PR event on the race Wednesday. The process itself takes three days I think. And then the rest is fiction and guesswork, no solid sources." 

He made Pierre call to check for Max's schedule before making arrangements, sitting on the floor cushion in Pierre's house.

"Woah.. slow down, Charles." Pierre said, “when do you plan on telling him all of this?"

"Ugh, can't you do it for me? He's so miserable, talking to him leeches on my energy."

Charles watched Pierre's eyebrows pushed to his hairline.

"Charles, Max isn't that bad. But you guys always ignore each other at social gatherings. Probably too much pride for any one small space between the two of you."he emphasised, "Charles, you're going on a trip with this man, your _soulmate."_

The Monegasque remained unconvinced but decided to change his request, "Pierre, please come with us."

"You know I can't."

Charles covered his face with both his hands, "Maybe I should invite Ricciardo. Isn't he like, obsessed with the West Coast? And him and Max are always falling over each other. That way Max won't be violent or anything."

"Charles! Do you ever think before speaking? That's such a terrible accusation to make."

Colour rose high on Charles's cheeks, and his head lowered in shame. He just knew how angry Max got sometimes and they'd all heard of the family's problems.

"Sorry, that was out of order."

"Don't apologise to me. And call him if your flight is leaving tonight. He'll need to agree and pack." Pierre looked disappointed in him, making Charles leave his place to hug his best friend.

When they were done, Charles looked up the number he had stolen from Pierre’s phone earlier, inhaling deeply. 

*

"You know you could've just booked us a direct flight to Nevada the day before, right? Ten days is insane." He saw Max shake his head as they walked through the boarding area.

"Then you should've done the bookings, Max. Also, how can you be so sure it's in Nevada?" Charles hadn't considered private jets because he had no idea what private jet companies existed and what ones he used. And he wasn't going to tell his assistant Priscilla to book a flight for Max Verstappen.

At the end of the day, Charles didn't pay her salary, Ferrari did. No one besides him and Pierre were to know of their situation.

"I’m not. But it makes more sense that it would be there."

Elise knew he'd found his soulmate and why they were flying to America, but she had no idea who it was. She hadn't seemed bothered though, there was some nail appointment she had to make.

_"I know you'll sort it out darling."_

Charles would. 

Max had been on his phone as they settled into their seats, waiting for take off, and he only turned it off to switch to the screen in front of him. Charles didn't care what he was doing, but couldn't help look over from time to time at what his companion was watching.

Of course he watched movies like The Fight Club. Probably considered it the peak of cinema.

Charles laid on his side, contemplating if he even had any real perception of personality at all when he saw Max play some musical next, before he was lulled to sleep by the engines whirring under them.

*

Max had to shake Charles to wake him upon arrival. If he looked like an innocent angel awake, Max didn’t have words for how Charles looked curled up into himself, relaxed in his sleep and free from the weight of the world.

Max didn't dwell on it too much, however.

*

Charles rubbed the sleep out of his eyes whilst grabbing his shoulder bag and little case, as opposed to Max's lonesome bag. They could be here for ten days! This man had no sense of self preservation.

"C'mon, Charles. I'm driving first."

Charles smirked, "Okay."

When they left the airport, and Charles figured out where their ride was, the two drivers stood in front of the red car.

"You had a week to drive any car, and you picked one that looks like the one you drive on your job?" Max turned to Charles with a lifted brow.

"It's a red _Porsche_ , Max. That's neutral ground. Be glad it's not a Ferrari."

The sky was changing from navy to purple.

"I wouldn't have minded a Ferrari." the Dutchman shrugged.

"You're just saying that to contradict me."

They threw their bags into the back and settled in.

"You bet. Let's do this."

The wind was fierce against his skin, but Charles welcomed it. It felt cleansing almost. The roads were relatively traffic free as they made their way down the topsy turvy city of San Francisco, watching out for any clues as they went. 

Lombard street came first, a zig zag lane going downhill, like the esses in their Formula 1 tracks. It was empty in the morning light, and he could see shopkeepers making their way up towards what looked like a farmer's market.

"Don't think it's gonna be here, but we should ask someone." Max spoke quietly, stopping next to an old man carrying a box of potatoes.

He told them he had lived his entire life in San Francisco and never heard of a place that broke soul bonds. 

"This is the city of love, kid. We don't deal in breaking soul bonds."

As the pair drove over the Golden Gate bridge, the dusky sky bathed them in the softest of glows, and Charles turned his head. Max's short blonde hair, normally covered in an orange hat, moved little with the wind flowing through it. A contrast to Charles's own hair that positively flip flopped.

Max's skin had a golden tinge to it but it seemed iridescent in the early light, his long arm casually placed on the steering wheel, and yet, there was a sense of total control that radiated from his being.

His soul mark was visible halfway on his thigh, a splash of blood red and dirty green. It looked like a brewing pot, ever slowly moving. This truly was ancient magic. 

Everything they told Charles about their souls being forged in pairs before their bodies were ever conceived, a time before the earth they walked had seen any humanity, he had never believed. 

He had never believed, but then again, he had never seen the colours swirl on Max's thigh.

Charles felt his stomach turn a bit.

He looked up at Max, who smiled back at him.

"We'll get through this in time for your wedding, pretty boy."

Charles smiled at the name, and let his head roll back to focus on the road.

_They were young, Charles vaguely remembers being fourteen or fifteen, he was going through puberty, still smaller than a lot of his mates at the karting track, but he would fight harder to be the best._

_He remembers Pierre always being by his side, his brother and Jules would watch over them when they had the time, and gave him helpful tips and instructions before a race._

_Charles remembers seeing Max at various circuits, and practice rings, but he specifically remembers Max walking behind his father at their usual karting track. No one knew why Jos dragged him to every practice ring, but he did._

_His father all but sneered at their group when he walked past them. Charles saw him lean down to his kid and speak something in Dutch. Charles didn't understand, but that tone couldn't have been anything nice._

_Max nodded only once, and looked back at them._

_His record from the weekend had lasted as the top lap for the next month. It had bothered Charles every single day of that month._

*

Their car rolled to a stop only twenty minutes into their journey the next day.

"Charles please don't tell me you have a small bladder."

"I don't! I just need to go really badly right now." He didn't speak further when Charles made his way to the restroom.

Max went into the _gas station,_ as the Americans would call it, and started picking random candy, bottled water and a few drinks for the road. 

One would think the Red Bull addiction was all for show and sponsorships, but Max was genuinely so used to them now, it felt weird not to drink at least a can a day.

When Charles joined him in the car again, Max watched as he took his shirt off and rooted in his bag for a new one.

"Start driving Max." 

Max was amused, at the lilt of French when Charles said his name, at the anxious scrubbing of elbows with sanitiser and change of shirt.

Charles swapped one monotone oversized shirt for another, and looked just as good. That had to be a talent too, Max guessed.

The music in the car played gently and Max concentrated on the little screen guiding him down the highway. Charles suddenly seemed confused and looked around him.

"Max, you missed the I-5 exit. Max, we were supposed to go left."

"We're going on the pacific coast highway."

"But I-5 is the shortest route!" 

"Why? Do you have somewhere specific to be today?" Max felt irritation rise in him as he spoke. They had no idea where the place was.

He saw Charles frown at him. “But that’s the route I studied.”

"I'm not driving for a few days with nothing to look at, Charles. It leads to all the same destinations except it's prettier. You've made this entire process unnecessarily long already. You can't complain about an hour being added to the drive, so at least we don't go mad in each other's company."

The mood in the car dropped, and Charles settled back down in his seat, turning to stare out of his window.

*

When the ocean came into view and the air became heavier with salt and moisture, and he watched the scenery change, Charles turned himself to his window. No way would he give Max the satisfaction of telling him he was right.

It was like Monaco, in the sense that there was a rocky landscape with patches of short foliage, the road carved into it and the edges that fell into the water, but different all the same. 

It seemed more expansive, from the road to the endless waters that twinkled under the sun. Like there was more of it to go around, air and sunshine. And Charles had his own space in it. His space in Monaco was home, but here, he felt free.

"Have you done this drive before?" Max asked somewhere down the road.

"Nope." Charles popped his lips on the p.

"Daniel and I took the road trip with his friends a few times. I fell in love with it."

Charles saw the little smile flit across his face when he spoke of Daniel, like it was all fond memories, but there was a touch of wistfulness to it.

Daniel. Charles knew the two of them had a close bond, but he would've known if two of the drivers on the grid were dating though, right?

_You didn't even know he was gay until two days ago_.

"Were you guys together? You and Dan?"

Max seemed thrown off by the question, but he shook his head eventually. 

"You liked him?"

"What's there not to like about Dan? He's as grand as they come, wouldn't you agree?" Charles had seen Daniel and spoke to him a few times.

He seemed like a cool guy, but Charles had always thought the positivity and the jokes were more for the cameras. And he also realised Max was dancing around the question.

"He's decent. Is that why you liked him?"

"Thank god we're getting rid of the bond, you're as nosy _and_ dumb. No, I didn’t like him like that."

Charles turned up his nose at the words and grabbed some gummies from the bag Max had been devouring. He preferred his fruits to gummies, but it would do for now. 

He wasn't nosy, was he? No, it was probably just a touchy subject for Max.

*

They made a stop in Palo Alto, at the heart of Silicon Valley. The land had once been barren and marshes from what Daniel had told him, but money and power made the world turn, sometimes sprouting cities from dust, just the same as it returned others to the ground.

Max wasn't sure what he was hoping to find here but the girl at the information desk in the town center had looked at him like he was silly, and all they left the town with was a strong brew and some pictures next to the tech company signs.

San Jose held nothing for them except the American bar they watched football at, and got drunk with some local Mexicans that knew their football.

No one recognised them, and for that Max was ever thankful. They decided to find rooms in the city, and that was not fun when they were both too buzzed to figure out how a phone worked.

*

Waking up had been a chore in itself, but a double espresso and some fruit had to do the job for Charles. Max ate enough for both of them combined, and then filled the remaining space with a sweet coffee.

The sun was high in the sky when they got on the road. Max looked good in sunglasses. He had a strong profile and there was just something about the sun on his skin that always caught Charles off guard. He had to stop himself staring too much.

Carmel-by-the-Sea had an old town center, with residents that had settled over the ages, according to his short google search. Charles had seen a comment left by a person from there on the facebook page dedicated to the bond breakers. 

They entered an old looking barber shop, with an aged lady sitting at the main desk, staring out at the street they'd just come in from. 

"What can I help you with? Are you looking for a trim? That hair could do with some grooming, young man." she said, nodding her head towards Charles. 

Charles's eyes widened. He would never admit it but he wasn't used to getting criticism for his looks, even if it was just his hair.

He heard Max coughing to cover a laugh, as the French driver explained their situation. 

"Ahh, yes. I had a bond breaking myself. It was an experience, I must say. Although I ended up with the man I broke my bond with." 

"You went back to him?"

she nodded, "I did, but maybe we had displeased fate. We only spent days together before he died in a car crash."

They stood in awkward silence, unsure on how to move forward besides their muted 'I'm sorry for your loss'

"You learn to live with your decisions." The lady said.

"Can you tell us where it was?"

"Oh honey, this was in the 60's. We were high on every drug known to man and beyond. My lovely Bernie drove us down there. We were dead sure we didn't want it. It was a blip in our freedom. All I remember is that it was a lot of flashing lights and colours, somewhere down south. It must've been a famous spot. The crowds there were going in and out all day long." 

"That's all you remember?" Max asked,

"Unfortunately, yes. Or shall I say fortunately? It wasn't pleasant, that's for sure." wetness marred her old wrinkled eyes.

"Was there anyone else with you? Any contact that could give us a lead or something.”

The lady shook her head and moved her eyes back to stare at the street outside.

"Maybe try Disneyland or a famous bar or something. Or a Casino." she spoke without looking at them again, "It could've been any of those."

The lady refused to answer any further questions, making them turn back with indignation. 

Carmel-by-the sea had the whitest sand they'd seen on a beach, like it had been soaked in bleach, and it was colder than any of the West Coast beaches according to Max. Charles wanted to go in the sand, but it was getting late and they had to get back on the road.

Charles saw Max’s hand check the candy packs they'd gotten that morning, coming up disappointed when he found them empty and he made another exit a few hours later to stop in Pismo beach. 

The vibe in this one felt completely opposite to what it was like in Carmel city, and Charles vocalised how this was more in tune with what he'd seen in all those famous Hollywood movies.

Charles sunk his toes in the sand here, turning back to stare at Max who stood in the concrete parking lot. He couldn’t keep listening to Max too much, or agree with him. Might give the wrong idea.

Charles laughed at him. He was really just gonna stand there and watch as Charles enjoyed the beach. Charles waved him over anyway and hoped the Dutchman would join. 

He saw feet next to his own a little later, as the water lapped at their ankles.

They asked a few of the locals about the soul bond breakers but nothing came of it.

The activities of the day were finally catching up to them, and Max looked weary and tired now. Charles looked over at him with what could be confused for concern. Their daily search for a hotel started once it started to get dark again, Charles looked forward to it.

*

Charles saw Max pacing outside the breakfast area on his phone, and when he did eventually join Charles, he looked like he had no appetite. 

Charles didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he’d heard Max direct his sister to take the kids with her or something along those lines. Charles had no idea whose kids he was concerned with, but the fact that he was taking care of children was surprising in itself.

"We're gonna go to the pier."

"... in Santa Barbara?" Charles watched the little GPS screen. He’d been here before, when he was racing with Alfa. 

"Yes. We'll ask around about the _'bond breakers'_ as well, if you must." Max was chewing on his nail as he said this, and Charles couldn’t remember if he had done that before.

"I heard they had the loveliest sailing in Santa Barbara." Charles said, smiling.

"They do, but we can't be wasting time."

"I thought we had all the time in the world? Also, I need to pee."

Max laughed, "We'll be there in fifteen, pretty boy. Unless you wanna pee in a can."

Charles looked down at Max's Red Bull in the cupholder, 

"Hmm. I would, but it's already overflowing with piss."

They drove down to the wharf and entered an eatery. It smelled of fish and bacon grease, but the workers looked nice.

He watched Max ask their middle aged waitress about the destination to no fruition except when she said, "I heard the movie stars got their procedures done in Hollywood. Maybe you'll find it there?"

He felt Max’s gaze on him.

"Hollywood is massive. Hell, if we have to go around all of LA, it'll take us weeks to find the place. I mean, the other lady said Disneyland? That seems ridiculous." 

Charles was looking out of the window, watching the water hit the window frame, the noise the water made hitting the pier floor under them occasionally the only sounds in their booth for a while.

He really didn’t know what to say.

"Do you think it's like.. a witch doctor? Is that what we're looking for? Or will it be at some natural reserve?" Max asked him once again,

Max seemed frustrated at his silence but kept going,

"or a historic site? Or a fucking magic show? Charles, can you give me a fucking idea what we're doing out here, at all? Do you have any idea?"

Charles rubbed his hands over his face, and let out a deep breath before getting up and leaving. 

"That's great Charles, just run away then. Absolutely great." he heard the words carry after him as he walked out.

When Max joined him in the car, it was late. One of his nails was bleeding as he drove them, as if it had been picked at constantly.

The feeling in the car had changed now, from light and optimistic before, to stuffy and... realistic.

"Why have we stopped?" Charles asked when they parked in a hotel driveway, Max handing their keys over to the valet.

"This is our hotel for the night. I’m gonna find myself a bar or something, and you can do whatever you want. I just need to get away." 

Charles saw the muscles in his back practically wound together, but he didn’t stop Max from leaving. 

Charles spent a good chunk of time on retail therapy in his suite, hoping it would help distract him before he curled up in bed.

*

Charles woke up feeling well rested and at peace.

The next hour was dedicated to stretching his body, followed by a prolonged shower. He was just glad the heaviness of the night before was gone. 

He had felt it deep in his core, and yet it wasn't his.

But it seemed to have vanished and he wasn't about to question it.

There were texts from his trainer, checking in with him, and his PR manager. One text from Elise telling him she missed him. It made Charles smile.

He heard a knock on his door just then, Max standing on the other side.

He held up several packages to Charles.

“You got next day delivery on Net-a-Porter?”

_Oh so now he's amused_ Charles thinks, remembering last night.

“I’m running out of clean clothes, you should get some too.”

He looked in a similar state though, refreshed and cleaned up. Charles wondered if he had woken up alone in bed, if he had even done that. Maybe he had just gone to his room this morning to shower. His curiosity piqued.

"Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday. I just had some stressful shit from back home."

“Can’t be easy working with Helmut.” 

“Nah it was a family thing. RedBull isn't really in a position to be telling me off right now.”

Charles nodded. _As opposed to Pierre._

As if hearing his thoughts, Max added, “I know Pierre’s stressing and I just hope it smoothes out for him. I know those mechanics and engineers would lay on the line if it helped him.” 

Charles remembered Pierre telling him how Max had been doing his all to help. He hadn’t believed it, thought Pierre was probably just exaggerating. But it didn’t seem too outlandish now.

They got to Los Angeles early, giving them more time to explore the city and find their destination.

A muted tune played in the car, as they dug into their breakfast on the go. 

Charles was driving them today, and Max was in charge of the stereo.

"That's a good song. Play more like it."

He saw Max mock salute him but fiddled with his phone nonetheless, leaning back on the headrest.

"Are you sure you're comfortable driving here?"

Charles nodded his assent. 

The roads were new, but the skills were all the same. He was positive if Max was reading a map to him, they'd be lost but they didn't have that issue either.

Charles was glad he used a bandana that held back his hair. He didn't want anything to distract him and give Max an excuse to make fun of him.

But speaking of distractions, the biggest one was currently sitting in his passenger seat, legs stretched out in front of him, the same bottom part of his soulmark visible, only it was closer today. Max had it on his left thigh as opposed to Charles's, which covered his right thigh.

Charles looked down at his own lap and saw the mark on his own, now that he was wearing shorts. 

His own was just brown. Charles wondered if Max felt the same fascination that he felt seeing it.

"No one recognises us here. I can see why so many of the drivers love it here." he said, as they joined the morning traffic.

"By everyone, you mean Lewis and Dan?"

Charles shrugged. Those were the main two sure, but he knew Sebastian sometimes made the transatlantic journey. And of course, Max.

"I guess. A lot of the things they're into are here after all. Basketball, music, fashion, the hottest parties, you name it. Where, if not in the great Hollywood heights."

"What about you? Is that why you come here?"

"I guess, in part. But really for me, the weather does it. And there's always something novel. There's so much to try. Also the people are honest. I don't have to mask what I want fifteen ways to make it appropriate."

Charles smiled involuntarily at that, and received one in return. Max seemed happy this morning, and why did Charles feel as if the sadness in his core had shifted to somehow match his mood.

"They really are your people then."

Max nodded, "Americans, and Germans. Blunt little fuckers." 

Charles laughed once more, the traffic in front of him thinning once more.

*

They were arguing again, but for once, Max knew he was the one being childish.

"This is ridiculous. Why would they be doing bond breaking in Disneyland of all places, Charles? I need you to be reasonable." 

"You be reasonable! That lady was the only one with any actual experience, and she mentioned Disneyland herself."

"C'mon Max, we can't be wasting time here. We'll get you food first thing, when we go in."

"You don't have to bribe me with food like that, you know," but he started moving nonetheless.

Charles bought them hats at one of the kiosks, "Oh I had mine in the car, I could've just brought it."

"I'm so glad you didn't." He heard Charles mutter under his breath before handing him one of the hats.

"What's the plan, who are we asking?"

"The older characters that are dressed up, maybe they know something?" Charles was speaking to him but he was long gone, that much Max could see. His smile was soft, and his dimples peeking under the light stubble on his face, eyes blown wide at whimsical sections ahead. Max thought Charles could very well be one of the princes in the park.

Their morning was spent with Charles spotting different rides and speed walking towards them in a sea of people and kids, making Max's life impossibly hard as he tried not to lose sight of the Monegasque. 

"Max hurry I can't be keeping a spot for you all the time." He heard Charles say to him on more than one occasion. The rides were short, stuffy and childish but Max wasn't about to ruin the fun.

“Max you really ate my turkey leg right after saying you didn’t want any.” 

“Did you mind?”

Charles gawked at the question, “Yes, I did.”

“I can live with that.” 

Between the Star Wars rides, and the turkey leg hunt and the beer, Max would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

When the sky turned dark and they had to leave the show, he couldn’t stop watching Charles surrounded by illuminated buildings and twinkling lights, the light breeze and sweet music with the night sky behind him. He felt a tug on his arm as Charles pulled him towards one of the stores.

“Oh my god Max! We forgot to ask about the bond breakers.” He looked shocked at his own realisation, and Max couldn’t help but laugh.

“Don’t worry, I asked. Most of the people looked like they were gonna deck me, but this one guy said maybe we should check out this old Mexican restaurant. Said his aunt got one, and she works there.” 

*

Charles heard a knock on his door. He looked at his smart watch. It was late.

_I don’t remember asking for anything._

“Max! Hey, what’s wrong?” Charles frowned.

“Did you get me a console and games?” He held up the bag of equipment in his hand.

“Oh yeah. The hotel asked if we wanted anything else, you know. Ferrari treatment.” Charles gave him a smug look.

“Ferrari, my ass” Max burst out laughing, “c’mon I can't play alone now, can I?” 

Charles moved to let him in, a grin on his face.

_Okay, he’s not that bad._

They set up the game and Charles sat back against the headboard, Max choosing to sit in the middle of the bed with a drink next to him.

After a few rounds of FIFA, when both of them had downed a few beers, and long switched to swearing in their native languages, Max was laying on his stomach, too close for Charles to ignore. Charles stared at his broad shoulders that narrowed down just right and his long legs muscled in all the right proportions. 

He tried not to let his thoughts stray, but the alcohol in his system wasn’t helping. 

As if sensing the shift in Charles’s focus, Max turned back to look at him.

“Are you ready to quit already? We’re tied 2-2 now, don’t be a pussy.”

Charles smiled at him. Max seemed so different now, nothing like the boy he’d grown to hate or the bratty teenager he’d watched set formula one alight before any one of them had it in their wildest dreams. 

He’d fought everyone to get the respect he had today, for his talent at first, and only just for his maturity. 

He was dynamic in every way when he was on track, in the paddock, and maybe Charles had been the one having trouble accepting it.

“Was it hard coming into F1 like you did?”

Max looked taken aback, 

“Well I’m very blessed to have been given that opportunity so early and-”

“Cut the press conference crap. It can’t have been that easy.”

He watched the Dutchman sigh and look up at the ceiling, “I was seventeen when I joined. I know I was quick and I know I had the talent, but looking back... When I remember how much pressure there was to fit in with all these guys well into their adulthood with years of experience... And my dad, obviously. They keep telling me I was rash and I know that now, but like, you guys made those mistakes in F2. I didn’t get that time. Not complaining though, it was a big flex.” 

Charles was sure he added the last bit to lighten the mood. 

“Why did you come to the Monaco practice track way back then? When we were starting karting.”

Max laughed, “My dad’s a proper bastard. He was using intimidating tactics with my competition before you were even guys were even my competition. We weren’t even ten but he wanted the boys that would grow with me to know me. Made sure I set the fastest times at tracks anytime we travelled.”

“Guess it worked. Made me remember you pretty well.”

“Why do you ask?” Max enquired

“I hated you for the longest time. You were always cocky, and acting too good to be with us.” 

“I was” Max laughed, earning him an eye roll and a slap to the back of his head, “Oh, you think I’ll go easy on you, now that we’re soulmates huh. Soon-to-be ex soulmates” 

Max threw a cushion at him before getting up, only to get thumped in the head with Charles’s pillow.

They were sitting up now, facing each other.

“How did you race in Baku?” It was Max’s turn to look serious and somber now,

Charles knew what he meant and he hesitated,

“I felt numb in the two days between papa’s death and the race. I cried but I don’t think it hit me until after the race when I realised I will never see him again. Never hear him cheer me on, encourage me, defend me even when I was wrong. He was so cheerful, him and mama made the perfect couple, and the perfect parents. But I know he’s still with me, I know they all are.” 

“He’d be so proud right now. Seeing his son become one of the youngest ferrari drivers.”

Max was looking at him earnestly, like he believed he could make it all better. 

And he tried with the hug that he gave Charles, surprising him. It was short and sweet, but Charles felt his insides warm up.

“I know we’re getting these soulmarks removed, but I really want to touch it.” Charles said.

_Nice one, couldn’t have sounded any more needy even if you tried._

“Sure, pretty boy.” Max probably didn’t think too much of it as he turned to put his marked leg forward for Charles, tanned a beautiful gold from their past few days in the sun. 

Charles let his index and middle finger slide over it, and let out a little “oh” as the colours made way under his fingers. 

“They move under my finger, Max. The colours.” his voice had dropped several octaves since the beginning of the night.

“Holyshit. It feels like you're whirling a little body of water, but like, the body of water is my skin.”

Charles looked up at him, “do you…?”

Max nodded at him, and he rolled up the bottom of his sweats, all the way to let Max touch his soulmark.

He felt a thrum through his body, wherever Max moved his finger and his eyes closed. When he opened them next, Max’s eyes turned dark. 

Max’s phone started vibrating, breaking them both out of their stupor.

“I should get that. See you tomorrow.” He sounded unusually breathy as he picked up his phone and started making his way to the door. 

When he heard the door click close, Charles fell back dramatically in his bed.

_What the fuck just happened?_

_*_

Charles couldn’t stop nervously glancing at Max every few minutes. Their normal breakfast routine had been an awkward mess to say the least. Well, Charles had been awkward, Max was mostly acting like nothing happened. 

_But it was going to happen!_ Charles thought to himself.

They were driving to the address the guy at Disneyland had given Max. It was a Mexican restaurant, one of the oldest in the city. From what they found online, the place was usually packed so they tried to avoid peak hours.

Charles knew the task at hand was important but his brain was muddled after the past week’s events. When this started to feel like more of a vacation and less of a hunt to break their bond, Charles couldn’t figure out but today sure felt like a bucket of cold water over his head.

The restaurant in question soon came into view. The exterior looked like it had been redone a dozen times. Charles followed Max inside, it looked dark, but like one of those places with amazing food. Charles saw Max surveying the menu, making him grin. He was always worried about food.

“Hi, we’re here to see Miranda?” Max asked the boy behind the counter who looked no older than sixteen.

“Mom? Okay, she’s in the back.” He seemed scared.

When the lady made her way out a few minutes later, she looked at the entrance, as if angered and then back at the kid, making him look down.

“I’ll clean it again, ma’am.” He spoke without being spoken to, as if this was routine.

The restaurant was clear of customers and Charles thought it looked fine. He saw Max watching the same exchange so he decided to take the lead.

Charles explained why they were here, and the lady led them to one of the booths, looking every bit the polite person you’d expect in a successful service.

She gave them the address for the bond breakers on a piece of paper, and explained a little bit of the process.

“Why did you break your bond, if you don’t mind me asking?” Charles spoke. Max had been sitting in stony silence next to him, his face set how it was on race days in their younger days.

“Some of us are unlucky. My soulmate was my boyfriend, we had Eli over there too, but I found out he was a repeat sex offender and dealt in child pornography. I’m just glad I got out on time.”

Charles’s heart became heavy for her. What a terrible fate.

“Does he remind you of his father?” He saw Max ask, nodding his head towards the child.

“Every single day. Of how I loved him, and what a terrible person he was.”

“Well, your kid isn’t terrible. He’s as much you as he is your ex. And he’ll be his own person one day. Try and not fuck him up too bad until then.” He watched as his partner left the restaurant without another word, leaving Charles to hastily thank the woman and follow suit.

*

The only sound in the car was the smooth whirring of the engine. 

Charles decided to break the ice and lighten the mood “so you were right about Las Vegas, huh?”

“Did you see how she was treating her kid? Fucking parents, honestly.” Max let out, before he focused on what Charles had said “Yeah, listen, do you mind if we go tomorrow? I’m going to a party with my friend that lives here.” 

Charles thought about it. They’d waited about five days anyway, wouldn't bother him if there was one more.

“Okay.” 

He wondered if Max would invite him. It wasn’t that Charles couldn’t find a party to go to, being that he was the more extroverted of the two and the designated party animal. It was just that he wanted to be at the same one Max would go to.

_I’ll just stay in and make him feel bad about not inviting me._

Charles stopped himself for a moment. What was that supposed to mean? They weren’t even friends. Surely this is what insanity looked like.

Back in his room, Charles dialled Pierre’s number.

“Charles, it’s 8am and you want _me_ , of all people, to find you a party in LA?”

“Yes. It’s what best friends do.”

“You’re a brat.” Pierre hung up on him but sure enough Charles received a name and an address. He smiled.

*

Charles thinks he spotted Shawn Mendes and JLo as he made his way through the throngs of people in the mansion. It looked quiet out front until he made it on the grounds. Americans really had their space sorted.

He’d been partying every weekend from the time he had turned 16, but he wasn’t really in the business of going alone. 

_Time to turn up the charm._

He went to the bar to get himself a drink. Or two. He wondered whether Max was having beer. He probably mixed his drinks with Redbull. 

He turned to the group standing next to him, and one thing led to another, so Charles ended up joining them for shots. 

He joined them on the dance floor and it was all well and good until he looked across the floor and spotted Max. And he was staring directly at him with a man that had his arms hooked around Max’s neck, whispering in his ear. Or mouthing at it. Charles couldn’t tell. He didn’t want to think about it too much.

Charles suddenly felt too warm. He excused himself with fake kisses, promising to return to the group soon.

As he navigated to the bathroom, Max followed him in moments later, locking the door.

“What are you doing here?”

Charles kept a straight face washing his hands.

“You don’t own the city, Max. I was invited.” _more or less_

He saw Max’s jaw tick, “you’re fucking infuriating, you know that?” 

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” Charles turned to face him finally, resting his hip against the counter.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted Max to do about it.

Max moved towards him, and you could scratch that. He knew exactly what he wanted Max to do.

Charles felt his body lean forward, his heartbeat matching the rhythm of the bass that could be felt through the whole room. 

Charles felt the same thrum pass through him as the night before, his hot skin feeling divine relief as it touched Max’s cooler skin.

He felt his breath stop when Max stopped an inch from his face. Charles had nothing to blame as he pushed forward, kissing Max.

Everything else blurred out except for their bodies in that moment, Max’s hands tilting his head, one pulling at his hair, the other on his neck.

Charles held onto his arm, as if letting go would break them out of whatever world they’d enter.

They were both breathless when Max pulled away, wiping at his lips, 

“I can’t do this.” He said, leaving Charles stunned and all alone.

*

They didn’t have breakfast together. Neither boy spoke as they drove to Las Vegas dressed in their clothes from the night before.

They didn’t do anything. Charles kept his head against the window. 

They would’ve never worked, realistically, he knew as much. It was better that they free each other of this burden. And the kiss was a good way to get it out of their system.

_Liar_ his conscience was getting too loud. He thought of Elise and he felt shame wash over him. What had he been thinking? 

He’d been wrong for a day or two, he couldn’t let it ruin his plans for a lifetime.

They would go back to ignoring each other on the grid, fake a smile or two amongst colleagues, maybe give the press the rivalry they wanted so desperately, probably tangle on track. Forget this ever happened.

The address they entered was a clinic straight off the Vegas strip.

It was cleaner than what Charles had imagined, but then again he did think, had hoped even, it would be a coven of ancient witches doing their procedures and not a clinic like setting with a receptionist and people in scrubs walking around.

“Do you think it’ll be painful?” Max asked him. This was the first he’d heard from him. His voice was unusually soft.

“They look like doctors. Maybe it’ll just be like a flu shot.” _Or a major surgery_ but he didn’t say that part out loud, “you're not afraid of your flu shots are you?”

Max looked at him to see if he was mocking him, and turned his head back when he had confirmation that yes, Charles absolutely was.

The receptionist gave them multiple forms to fill.

Charles concentrated on his own, only occasionally looking to his side to see Max doing the same. Charles felt a queasiness in his stomach, again, as if the emotion wasn’t his but stitched into him. 

Max finished his forms, and left them in the seat next to him, walking away.

“Where are you going?”

Max turned to him, “Loo. Don’t act like my mother, Leclerc.”

Charles couldn’t help but smile. Maybe they could be friends once they got back to their regular life. Maybe they didn’t have to be strangers after all.

*

15 minutes turned to 20 and their turn was coming up. The feeling in his stomach felt leaden now. He wondered whether Max was okay. Charles stopped tapping his foot against the vinyl floor and walked to the bathroom. 

“Max?” He shouted, to no response. The stalls were all empty. Charles’s blood ran cold.

He quickly walked back out to the waiting area, still no Max in sight. 

He picked up the papers. They’d been filled out, but not signed. 

The forms slipped from his grip.

**Max: I’m sorry.**

*

Max was sitting in his room on the Friday of the Silverstone weekend, cleaning the blood from around his nail. He had picked them raw over the past few days. Seeing Charles at the circuit had brought all of it back in full force, even though the thought hadn’t left him since his return.

He was such an idiot. How had he left Charles alone there in that clinic? But the panic inside him had risen and risen and consumed him that day, consumed him entirely. 

He had tried to call Daniel, call his sister but nobody had answered at the clinic. And when they did, all they’d done was book him a flight and get him a ride. Little did they know he had Charles waiting for him the entire time.

Max had sent a text when his body was still cold with fear in the back of his Uber.

In Britain, he had ended up outside Charles’s trailer once. His body moved on its own accord. If he’d gotten some stares on the way there, he didn’t see and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

But as he stood outside Charles’s door, waiting so he could get his wits together before he knocked. He usually wasn’t one to back down from confrontation.

But how did he tell his feet to stay planted and not back out like he had done in Vegas? 

How did he tell his eyes to look at the hurt he’d caused in Charles’s?

How did he stop the voice inside his head from telling him Charles wouldn’t want anything to do with him?

How did he make his voice work, when it had been stuck in his throat since they came back?

He had walked back without ever finding out.

*

Max watched the podium ceremony from their energy station in Silverstone. He only had eyes for the man receiving his third place trophy.

Max couldn’t stop watching as he got sprayed with champagne though, smiling only when Charles’s eyes finally crinkled right.

*

Charles watched the rest of the race in Germany from his driver’s room. He watched as Max drove lap after lap of perfection, and took the win. Charles turned the tv off before the podium ceremony could begin.

*

Charles watched the podium ceremony with a smile this time. Seeing Max walk out, looking calm and collected, picking up his second place trophy, instead of angry and humiliated made him turn away from the ceremony. 

It wasn’t worth his time if Max didn’t lose control and show that at least racing still mattered to him. Everything else was apparently far beneath him.

*

Charles was drunk when he ended up in Max’s hotel room after his maiden win. It couldn’t have been a celebration with Anthoine’s death on everyone's mind.

“You came to give Pierre a hug, and give Pierre messages of support, like I don’t even exist? Is it that I’ve lost too much already? Do you think I don’t feel it? Do you think I’m used to my loved ones just leaving me? Is that it?”

Max felt breathless as he watched Charles lash out with pent up anger and hurt when he should’ve been celebrating the best night of his life, for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry. You deserve to enjoy your success.”

He ignored Max’s pathetic excuse for an apology, and Charles laughed at him “I don’t deserve to enjoy anything, Max. Everything in my life comes at the cost of losing something else, have you not noticed?” 

“Don’t say that Charles.”

“I sat in that car… our car.. for hours. Hours, Max. I didn't know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Max felt his eyes sting. He’d never win in love, his father had been right. And now he was going to hell for reducing this beautiful boy to a mess.

*

Max had been practicing for Italy on the sim when he heard his buzzer go. He opened his apartment door to Charles, and thought,

_Maybe the third time’s a charm._

“Why did you leave me stranded in Vegas? Was it all a plan to you from the start?”

Max gawked at the accusation, “Plan? I had an anxiety attack in that place. My first one since I turned eighteen. That’s close to five years.”

“Why didn’t you go through with it?” Charles hurled back even though his face softened.

“Look, Charles if you’re here to tell me to get rid of our soulmarks, I’m not going to do it. I don’t want to be without one, whether we end up together or not.” Max stumbled through his words, like he didn’t want them out in the world, but he wanted them even less inside him.

“Why? Why keep it, if it’s not leading to anything?” 

Charles looked small, swallowed up by the black hoodie and sweats he had on. He focused, and was that his old hoodie?

Max felt his heartbeat jump. He couldn’t fuck this up by putting up another wall, and Charles deserved the truth.

“I want it because even when it’s not leading to anything, at least I have one. I can’t bear to be considered so unlovable that I don’t even get to keep my soulmark for the rest of my life.” He closed his eyes as he spoke.

Charles was looking at him, his face every inch as perfect as Max dreamed every night. The red rims around his eyes and the pain in them however, were all reality.

“You should’ve told me, Max.” 

“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.” Max said, “I’m selfish like that.”

“Elise and I broke off the engagement.” 

Max may have given himself whiplash when he looked up at that.

“When? And Why?”

Charles shrugged, “Silverstone.”

“Do you blame me?”

Charles was rubbing at his eyes now, “Yes.”

Max expected it but it still hit him like a tonne of bricks. He didn’t know what to say.

“I blame you. If you hadn’t come into the picture everything would’ve gone as it should have.” Charles spoke, taking steps in his direction, “But it would’ve been the wrong picture. I wasn’t running on my own timeline, I was competing. And, I don’t know if this is me writing my own ruin by doing this, but I don’t know how to fight…. this.” He gestured at the space between them “I’m not strong enough to fight it.”

Max watched Charles stop in front of him, with his declaration. How could Max say anything when his brain lost all functioning power within a meter of this man. 

Max lets his fingers reach for Charles’s hips, pulling him closer. Charles placed his hands on Max’s chest, their bodies fitting each other’s like pieces of a puzzle.

“Then I’ll have to hope you’re never strong enough to fight it.”

Their foreheads touched, and Max felt Charles’s breath on his face. It felt too good to be true.

_This feels better than in my dreams._

“You dream about me?” Charles asked him.

“Did I say that out loud?”

Charles’s face lit up as he left a small kiss to the corner of Max’s mouth. “Sometimes I hear random sentences, and I can tell they’re not mine. And emotions. Oh, when I was so mad at you when you got on the podium in Germany but there was happiness inside me? It felt all wrong to be mad.”

“Yes!” Max had felt the same things too. 

“So, are we just going to fuck to get it out of our system?”

Max couldn’t help but laugh at his blunt words.

“If that’s what you want. It’s not all I want though. I want you with me. And I want to give us a chance to grow together, race together, see the world together. Maybe you’ll get tired of me some day and leave, but until then, I want you with me.”

Charles kissed him and Max couldn’t describe it even if he tried. It was all Charles, the taste on his tongue, the air surrounding him laced with his cologne, the space against his body. This gorgeous human being, his soulmate. All he knew was Charles and he happily drowned in it.

*

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not the grandest of works but if you got through it all, drop a comment please x


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